Something About Cats

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There is something about cats. You either love them or your hate them.
I have never heard anyone say oh yes! I absolutely like cats.
I have always been a cat lover even tho I don't own one
now or rather I am not owned by one because unfortunately
my husband doesn't love them. He is a dog man.
As you know I am a nurse and have close encounters of the 3rd kind.
It was my pleasure these last few days to be privileged to care for a little lady
94 years young. Her hair is white and her beautiful pale complexion
accentuates her bright shining eyes. I leaned close to talk with her because
her hearing was not quite as sharp as her mind.
She had been telling me about the two cats who love her.
She cares for them daily and she loves them back.
Here in the hospital she said how she must hurry home to care for them.
It dosn't matter that she is sick  her cats need her.
Today she was told that she must go to rehab for 21 days.
Suddenly the twinkle left her eyes as they became misty.
What is wrong I ask, rehab will be good for you and you will
return home soon. She looked straight into my eyes and with a
sad quiet voice said "But what about my cats?" Her niece assured

her that her cats would  be taken care of but to her no one could
love them like she loves them. That is the thing about cats, they
hug up next to you and steal your heart and make you dependant
on them. You see, they don't really need you. It is the other way
around. There really is just something about cats.

Pumpkin Latte

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Pumpkin Latte

I am not one who usually enjoys sweet coffee like drinks,
Those specialty creamers now available in most grocery stores
do not bring me joy. My co-workers cherish it. they can't wait for more,
but me I prefer plain old coffee with just a little creamer and a touch
of sweetness added.
                                    However

Every Fall there is a wonderful thing out there called Pumpkin Latte
My heart does grow faint thinking about it and even now my mouth becomes
moist and a smile eases across my lips at the thought.

I must have it. The thoughts won't end. I pass by Starbucks because
I seldom afford myself this luxury. $4 for a drink is just too much yet
as I drive by I find myself turning in. I pull through the drive through
and order. As the coffee artist hands me my purchase I thank her and
turn my attention to the task at hand. As I sip the warm brew I savor the
sweet spicy flavor and feel myself relax. A horn blows in the distance
and wondering why I realize it is not in the distance at all. I forgot to leave.
It is the car behind me wanting anxiously to be next. I am sure that their
drink of choice must be a Pumpkin Latte.

Small Among Millions

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I am only a small person among countless millions,

I live in a comfortable home on a quiet street,

I see the warm glow of the sun filtering through my kitchen window

as I sit and have my first cup of Joe. I contemplate the day ahead, 

I plan out the course of my time, of  the people I will

see of places I will go, of the things I will accomplish.

I listen for the sounds of my husband stirring in the

next room where he is still sleeping.

I savor each moment, each breath, each thought,

realizing just how blessed I am to be here, alive

on this beautiful day, beautiful even if it were raining,

I am chosen by God to be here, at this time in

this place, for this purpose.

Under my breath I say a prayer, a prayer only myself and

God hears. I thank him for the blessings of my life.

I talk to him about life and events that have impacted me,

about things that will change my life forever,

I look out the window and see the dawning of the morning

and with a smile and a gentle sigh, I leave it all in his hands

knowing that whatever comes my way will be according to

a divine plan. I pray that as a potter molds the soft pliable

clay that I will relax and let him mold my life as he makes

me into a beautiful vessel. A vessel used for his purpose.

I am only a small person among millions but I am his person

and I am blessed.

Thirst

There she was, so fragile sitting in that hospital bed. Her hair gray except for the very tips which were washed out brittle red. Her skin was pale with all the pink tones now gone. She was like a ghost resting there among the sheets and blankets. She tells of a good life. For ninety two years she has enjoyed her health, her family, her home. And now here she is with us. Pneumonia and congestive heart failure have finally brought her low. Her fluids are restricted and we tell her what to do. Keep that oxygen in your nose. Stay in bed. No you can't have anymore water. On and on for days she listens. Each time I come into the room she begs in a birdlike voice. Water, that's it just one simple word, water. As I lean in close to explain once again, no you can't have any water. You have to much fluid and it stresses your heart even farther. In her 92 years of wisdom and knowledge she looks deep into my eyes and with a crystal clear sureness she says to me. When I get to heaven I will have all the water I want. I will look for you and we will drink tall glasses of cold wet clear water. Well! what can you say to that. I went straight to the bedside table and poured her some water in one of those little pink cups which are standard for any hospital visit. As I lifted it to her parched lips she sighs and says once again in that little bird voice Aah! Water.

Safety at Sea

As a ship upon the oceans sail its tossed both here and there,

A storm comes up the winds they blow the sea becomes a snare,

Will it stand, or falter fast upon this raging tide,

It's steadied now on quieted seas, The makers hands the guide.

My ship it sails on tides of pain of deep and dark despair,

Yet when I feel like falling low his arms I know are there,

He picks me up, he holds me close, he'll never let me go,

I know the master of the storm, He loves me this I know,

As a ship upon the oceans sail it's tossed both here and there,

I worry not about my life because I'm in his care.

Amazing Grace

Today I went to Sunday school. I saw a smiling face.

We sang how Jesus loves me, of his amazing grace,

The preacher stood before us with a smile upon his face,

He told us of a story where true love was displaced,

The boy left home and spent his all, he squandered all he had ,

He lead a life of trouble then he thought back to his dad,

He looked up from a pig pen with mud upon his face,

He said I'll just go home to dad a servant at his place,

He walked along the dusty road his steps a rapid pace,

He wondered if they'd welcome him, would they reject his face?

His dad glanced down the dusty road, Who is that lad I see?

I can't believe my eyes he said God's brought him back to me.

With hurried steps he ran to him, he welcomed him with glee,

Today we'll have a feast for kings my boy's come back to me.

 Today I went to Sunday school, I saw a smiling face

I've come back to the father, I sing Amazing Grace.

Crazy Grandma

I used to tell my children. Don't have children, I don't want to be a grandma.

They would just look at me like I was crazy. I meant it, every single word.

When Lacy my youngest daughter became pregnant she did not even tell me.

I wonder why? Anyway inevitably I found out. I ask her, Lacy why didn't

you tell me? She answered; Mama you don't want grandchildren. How stupid I was.

Stupid is a harsh word but not harsh enough. Then my beautiful little Michelle was born.

Julangela I called her. She was so beautiful with silver blonde hair and a scream that

could shatter glass. Then my oldest daughter gave me two little boys. Both are mischievous and bold, both daring and acrobatic. They climb, and roll and torment my dog. They have broken my valuable things, and have won my crazy heart. I can't even remember not being a grandma nor do

I want to. So if you get a chance encourage your children to procreate and then hang on

for a fun exciting ride.

I Dream a Dream

As a night bird sings a familiar song my

 hopes and dreams go on and on,

dreams of houses big

and cars shiny bright, or will I be content tonight?

My house is small but my roof don't leak,

and in my kitchen there's food to eat.
On my feet is a pair of hose

full intact without any holes,

My shoes are sound, I walk where I will,

and for this day I have paid all  my bills,

What more can I ask, I am sickness free

but if some were to come to me,

I'd still have to say that my lifes been good,

my dreams fulfilled as only God could.

As the little bird sings his song tonight,

I rest easy knowing that I am alright.

What Have I Done?

As days of life drift slowly by I often wonder what I was put here for?

I am a friend to the friendless, a mother to my children, a sister to my siblings, a child

to my mother, a wife to my husband, a co-worker to my co-workers yet in all of this am I

doing and being what I should to fulfill my purpose? Do I do enough? Do I give enough?

Have I influenced one soul in a positive way? Have I been the reason for positive change in the

life of others? Am I about my fathers business or have I goofed off and dropped the ball?

Only time will tell so I continue hoping that in the end I will somehow have pleased

my maker, the maker of heaven and earth, the only one who matters.

The Last Day

If I knew that today would be my last

What would I do, Who would I ask?

To forgive me for harsh words or deeds,

How could I help fill someones needs?

Would I cry or be depressed,

Or would I strive to do my best?

To win a soul or help the lost

to find their way before the cross.

And as I go would I look back and

see my heart was filled with black,

And on my knees before the throne

I'd ask forgiveness for my wrong.

And as my black heart's cleansed and white,

I know that he may come tonight,

While others here may take my place

I smile and sing Amazing Grace.

Thumbelina

Her name was Thumbelina she was ugly as could be

Not soft and cute like dolls today yet beautiful to me,

I held her tight I told her stuff she was my dearest friend,

When Sandy ripped her arm off I knew she would not mend,

I carried her to mama and placed her in mom's hands

She said bring needle and some thread I'll fix her up again

With tender hands she sewed each stitch with thread that did not match,

All I wanted most of all was Thumbelina back,

As I became a woman and dolls were put away,

All I have is memories of some far yesterday,

And then it was on Christmas a few short years ago,

A box with shiny paper tied with a pretty bow.

I peeped inside It could not be, a treasure from my past

I lifted Thumbelina out Oh what is this I ask

Her limbs intact no mitch matched thread around her arm you see,

My sister searched this whole wide world to find this doll for me.

My grandchild begged to hold her once with hesitation done
She gave her back I looked at her Oh! my where is her thumb.

Terrified Teddies

In my den are teddy bears all lined up in a row,

there's red and brown and beige and gold with girly frilly bows,

They sit alone from day to day untouched by human hands

They come to me as gifts of love from family and from friends,

Then she walks in with long blonde hair determination sure,

She dosn't stop till she has her hands on each and every bear,

Their in the chair, their upside down from ceiling to the floor

The look of horror on their face till she walks out the door

In my den are teddy bears all lined up in a row

there's red and brown and biege and gold with girly frilly bows

If I Had A Dollar

If I had a dollar for each time I've felt his grace

I'd put it in my pocket then I'd give a lot away,

I'd find a needy person and I'd buy them some new clothes,

I'd find someone with torn up socks and buy them some new hose.

I'd buy some food for someone who has nothing left to eat

then, I'd buy a home for someone who is living on the street.

And if I'm left with nothing when the evening time is come,

I'd smile and feel his grace again though money I have none.

I Met A Friend Today

On the street today I saw a friend I never knew before

A tattered shirt and ragged pants set him apart once more,

The people there they pass him by as though he don't exist

But underneath that shaggy coat I knew I'd met a friend

He grinned at me, he tipped his hat, I offered him some lunch,

 A grin as big as Cheshire cat as he said thanks a bunch,

I watched him saunter down the street and he vanished out of sight,

Underneath my breath I said a prayer that he'll be safe tonight.

This to Shall Pass

When tear drops fall and will not cease,

Then days seem long and nights won't leave,

When sadness overwhelms the heart 

and grief lingers in the dark,

Look up above to skies of blue

The raindrops fall God cries for you. 

Another day will bring the sun,

Through fields of flowers you will run,

And looking back on days of pain

You will look around and welcome rain.

Our Differences

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   I guess with cigarettes it is either that you love them or hate them. I don't believe there is a middle of the road. If you are addicted to them they are closer than a friend. right in you front pocket or at least close within reach. You eat , you reach for them. You drink, again your hand fumbles instinctively for them. You experience any stress and you feel the instant need to smoke. I know all of these things because I live with and love someone who has smoked for 45 years.
          I have never smoked but I can remember when I was a lot younger I found or somehow obtained a cigarette. I snuck out back and pretended to smoke. Funny how of all the things in life some things of insignifence stand out as if it happened yesterday. Anyway, there I was standing behind our house leaning up against the cool cinder blocks pretending to smoke. I was feeling so grown up and powerful. Why I only smoked that once I don't know because I still remember that feeling. It felt really good, or maybe it was just the adrenalin from my little secret.
        My husband Benny smoked when I met him but I sure didn't know then what I know now or I probley wouldn't have married him. Now I love him with all my heart but we have been through some hard times partly because of him smoking. When my children were small he smoked in the house. I didn't know any better. Thank goodness none of them had asthma or breathing problems.
       Because of him being a smoker my life has been changed. I have endured riding in the pouring down rain with the window down cause he had to smoke. I have seen him buy cigarettes when we needed milk. I have smelled smoke and smelled like smoke. I have seen him angry and almost frantic when he was out.
       Today after 28 years of marriage and many heart attacks, severe lung disease,along with constant shortness of breath he still craves cigarettes. He quit about 2 years ago but the desire still remains. He will never be over them, his love for them and his addiction to them. He is in a hospital bed now struggling for breath with each coughing spell. Now he has ekg changes which is probley the beginning of another heart attack. If he were offered a cigarette right now mabye he would take it even though I hope he wouldn't.
       Now that I have said all of that, here is the rest of the story. I am greived and my heart aches for what I have lost and what I am surely going to lose. I realize that I have certainly been blessed. I have been married to him for over half of my life. I have lived with him longer than I lived with my Mom and Dad. He is my everything. He is my best friend and the love of my life and now I stand at a crossroads. What will happen of course I can't say for sure but I have a pretty good idea. I dread the thought of having to live alone. Even as he has been in the hospital I sit at home sometimes just me and the dog and I don't like it. Benny became disabled in 1993 and since then day in and day out we are together. Now that our comfort is threatened I am afraid, Afraid of being alone and  taking care of myself. I have depended on him for too many things. He washes my clothes and keeps my house clean. He holds me when I am lonely and comforts me when I am sad except for now because he dosn't realize my fears. I can't tell him that. I think of all I will lose. The gentleness of his embrase. The reckless abandon of his laughter. The warmth of his skin. The scent of him. 
His crazy thoughts which are so different than mine. He is thin while I am fat. He is friendly while I am reserved. He is strong when I am weak. He makes me laugh. Despite our differences He is everything to me.
      I hate Cigarettes.

I'm Just No Good Without Him

I'm Just No Good Without Him

My husband who from this point on I will refer to as My Benny is in

the hospital. I am Home Alone and I don't like it. Not only am I sad but I hear

things that go bump in the night. My dog Oliver is even sad. For instance today

I came home from the hospital and he is just howling to beat the band. I sat down on the sofa and even though I tried to console him he just wasn't right. Another reason that I know I'm just no good without him is that I went into the kitchen to make me a balogna sandwich and I glanced at the dog dish and realilzed he was totally out of food. No wonder Oliver cries when he is left alone with only me. I miss My Benny and want him to come home. I'm Just No Good Without Him.

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A Dog's Love

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I look at you with trusting eyes, Your scent I won't forget.  I lavish

you with kisses on your face that is now wet. My heart is tied to your heart,

I will love you till I die. A dog's love goes beyond the grave

and never says goodbye.

Top of The Mornin

Top of The Mornin

Today is a wonderful day because I am still breathing, and breathing easily I might add.

I do not need supplemental oxygen. I can walk without a cane and I don't have to be confined to a

wheelchair. I am somewhat in my right mind. I can and do make my own decisions. I am able to support

myself. I have a great job as far as jobs  go. I am a nurse and have been part of saving the lives of others.Better than that I have an awesome home life. I am a painter of

pretty things. Some are good and some not so good. I have the pleasure of loving and being loved by my

husband, my children and my grandchildren. When I do have a bad day I have comfort in knowing that there will be a tomorrow. And if not, that will be okay too because I will hopefully be going to an even better place. So in light of all this Top of The Mornin to ya! Have a blessed day.

The Other Side of The Rainbow

The Other Side of The Rainbow

James Elisher Johnson

June 28 2010 my dad went to the other side of the rainbow.

In his memory I post this.

Who was he? I never want to forget so while it is so fresh it hurts I will tell you.

He was a great dad. He was good to me. I can remember when I was a small child he held me lovingly in his lap. He smiled at me a lot with my blonde curly hair I thought he hung the moon. I knew he loved me. I felt it always. He taught me so much, from fishing, and playing to hard work he helped to make me who I am today. He taught me to never give up and that nothing is impossible to those who persist. He was a hard worker very rare was the time that he would take a break. He was up at first light and to bed early. He taught us never to cheat , lie, or steal. He held us to a high level of honor. He had steel blue eyes and gentle hands. He was missing part of his thumb from an accident. He had soft gray hair which was always neat and trim. I remember him in overalls and in later years a baseball cap. He loved fresh tomato's and mayonaise in his lima beans. He was an avid fisherman and had a camp on the Alabama river. He taught me to fiddle for worms, tie on a fish hook and how to clean fish, and roof a house. He didn't go to church when I was a child but prayed a lot during his last days here. He called me puddin. He thought I could do anything. I thought he could. I loved him more than even I realized. He loved cats, and sitting on the porch watching the hummingbirds. He could be found there early in the morning as the sun came up. His coffee was always a half a cup with just a little creamer. I can remember him whistling as he worked. In fact I just remember him. Randy Travis wrote a song about him , it was titled I thought he walked on water. I know it had to be about him because it described him to a T. When I think of him I think of the river, of fishing, and hard work, a big open smile and hands that rolled biscuit dough. When I would say I can't he would say yes you can. I remember hearing him say I love you baby.

I miss him already.