This to Shall Pass

When tear drops fall and will not cease,

Then days seem long and nights won't leave,

When sadness overwhelms the heart 

and grief lingers in the dark,

Look up above to skies of blue

The raindrops fall God cries for you. 

Another day will bring the sun,

Through fields of flowers you will run,

And looking back on days of pain

You will look around and welcome rain.

The Coming Storm

As you know I am an artist. I painted this in response to the sad news of my dad's health condition.

The Coming Storm.

It was Sunday, Fathers day. Three weeks ago my dad who is 86 years old decided to go and check the garden. He got on his motorized chair

and started out. About two hours later when he did not return my mom went to the door to take a look. Off in the distance she could hear him calling. Mom woke my sister Sandy and she went to him, laying there on the hard ground.  She didn't know he had already had visitors. My dad loves cats and he has a mama cat and some kittens. Each one of them had drifted by to lay beside him until help would come. Each one of them heard his cries and responded in their own way. That was just the beginning. My dad was taken to the hospital and was in horrible pain. In and out of confusion we watched him. Sad yet realizing that we are so blessed to have had him for this long in pretty good health.

Sunday Fathers day we came to see him in droves. Probley not what the doctors and nurses expected. I am sure they think we should come more often and less in number yet everyone lives in different towns and none of us within a 2 hr drive of the hospital. To our surprise he knew all of us. Calling each one by name he just kept saying take some pictures so the children won't forget. I knew what he meant. He knew more. He kissed the kids, held hands with my mom, laughed and made plans. We visited for a couple of hours and then all went our separate ways. Tuesday Sandy took  mama back to see him. He was confused and did not recognize them. He was in pain. The doctors spoke with them and told them that he probley has cancer of the spine. Crying my sister called me and we wept together over the phone. When it is your dad you are never ready. When it is your dad it hurts to the bone. I am only glad that God gave us one more day ironically it was Father's day. A wonderful day with our Father, (Daddy).

Even though we had a wonderful day yet even now I feel it , The Coming Storm. 

The Boy Next Door

He was 12, a small framed little boy with dark skin and a beaming wide heart, and a bright smile. His short life started in turmoil. His dad in prison and a mom who left him at a very early age. However the love of his life was his grandmother. A grandmother who cherished him and tried to teach him right from wrong. A grandmother who sent him to school each day thinking, assuming he was safe. His name Tre Juan Figures (Trey) a relatively happy child who rode a bike, played basketball like many other young kids in his community. That happiness faded each day as he went to school. Each day as he left home and knew that he would be embarrassed, bullied, and made to feel worthless. Day after day this continued and a little boy who wanted to be happy began a downhill spiral. A spiral which ended in a bedroom decorated with little boy things, Harry Potter Books, baseball cards, basketballs and such. A room in bitter silence as a little boy hung there lifeless no longer able to endure the pain of this world. His family had notified the school repeatedly of the abuse. of the bullying of the sadness endured at the hands of classmates. Tre Juan did have troubles yet he did not deserve this. What can be done? I guess only time will tell. The investigation continues. ( Sad but true. The info I obtained from the local paper and gossip of course. No matter , it sickens me to my gut. How many children endure abuse at the hands of their peers. I myself was not popular as a child and I am sure things in my life were very much affected by this. My youngest child just this week after hearing of this sad tragedy told me that she endured harassment in the 5th grade. Why? How can we make this stop? Let's do something, anything. Let's make a difference. Please comment.)

When Smiles Won't Come

When smiles won't come. I don't like writing about this but maybe it will help someone and who knows ,maybe that someone will even be me. My life is different recently. I have been engulfed by such a deep sadness. Tears flow at the drop of a hat. I sit and stare for hours at nothing. I am not able to join into normal conversation without extreme concentration and force. Society labels it depression but I think it should simply be called sadness of the soul because that is all I can feel. My Benny has been sick a lot this last year and while we were floating along with a wonderful life. Suddenly bills started rolling in. One after another without end and now I find myself getting letters from them wanting money which I don't have. I work as a nurse and Benny is disabled. People tell me don't worry about it. How I ask? I pay my bills and to be behind is stressful. I don't have a lot of credit card bills and stuff. I only have life expenses. That was until recently. And so I worry and I cry and I fell lonely and numb. Even when I do manage a smile it is with my lips only. It doesn't originate from deep within. If you have never been in a sadness like this I can tell you it feels like death. My spirit is numb and void of any happiness. I just would like to curl up in the fetal position and cry until no more tears will come. But then that is untrue also because when wet tears touch my face at least I feel something. People around me don't understand. They think I should just be able to snap out of it. Well I wish it were that simple because I didn't just snap myself into it. I cant seem to figure out any solution no matter how hard I try. I can't even think logically. Anyway as I rattle on let me write that which I started out to share with you. Last week I went on vacation. Our family camping trip. I wanted to just stay home but my sister Sandy insisted I come along. She paid for everything. She furnished the groceries and drinks. She cooked and tried diligently to make me feel better. I know it is hard to be around someone lost within themselves. She talked and sat silent. She hugged me and tried to include me in the jovial talk and banter of family. As I sat there in deep silence trying to force conversation while at times slipping into void she continued. Most people would have been uncomfortable and probly just wanted me to go home. She persisted trying to make me feel better. Trying to make me feel human. No matter how much I would have liked to just snap out of it. I couldn't. I am thankful to her for allowing me to be me but not playing into my sadness. Nothing she could have done or said would have changed anything however it did feel good for her to try to carry on normally even tho I wasn't able to just be my usual self and fit in. That is what real family is for to love you anyway. In good times and bad. To just be there. That is what she was for me. A rock, familiarity,home,comfort. A glimmer of sunshine in a gulf of sadness. She can not know how much her company meant to me. How much it helped me to heal. How glad I was to be with her. When I left I know she wasn't happy to see me to go. I know she must worry about me because she loves me. All I can say is that for one week, she made my sadness more bearable. And now if you are reading this and you know someone like me. Someone who has lost that sparkle which you know you have seen before. Be there for them. Don't pay any attention to the fact that they are hidden in a blanket of sadness. Include them in daily things. Talk to them. Don't ignore that they are there because believe me they want to smile. They would rather fit in. They want to be happy. The sun will shine again and they will remember every kind soul who would not be shunned by their quiet, uncomfortable sadness. Thank you Sandy. I know that you know how I feel. You have been there. I know how you felt when your wonderful husband Thomas Lee died. I know how deeply sad you were that day I came to your house and found you sitting in the floor beside the bed crying.With your hair disheveled and your eyes swollen from tears. The day I insisted you get up and start your life over. I just wait for that to happen to me. The light at the end of a tunnel. I know sunny days will come. I wait until smiles will come again. Until laughter is easy.Until life is normal again. I wait.