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The Last Day

If I knew that today would be my last
What would I do, Who would I ask?
To forgive me for harsh words or deeds,
How could I help fill someones needs?
Would I cry or be depressed,
Or would I strive to do my best?
To win a soul or help the lost
to find their way before the cross.
And as I go would I look back and
see my heart was filled with black,
And on my knees before the throne
I'd ask forgiveness for my wrong.
And as my black heart's cleansed and white,
I know that he may come tonight,
While others here may take my place
I smile and sing Amazing Grace.



Her name was Thumbelina she was ugly as could be
Not soft and cute like dolls today yet beautiful to me,
I held her tight I told her stuff she was my dearest friend,
When Sandy ripped her arm off I knew she would not mend,
I carried her to mama and placed her in mom's hands
She said bring needle and some thread I'll fix her up again
With tender hands she sewed each stitch with thread that did not match,
All I wanted most of all was Thumbelina back,
As I became a woman and dolls were put away,
All I have is memories of some far yesterday,
And then it was on Christmas a few short years ago,
A box with shiny paper tied with a pretty bow.
I peeped inside It could not be, a treasure from my past
I lifted Thumbelina out Oh what is this I ask
Her limbs intact no mitch matched thread around her arm you see,
My sister searched this whole wide world to find this doll for me.
My grandchild begged to hold her once with hesitation done
She gave her back I looked at her Oh! my where is her thumb.


Terrified Teddies

In my den are teddy bears all lined up in a row,
there's red and brown and beige and gold with girly frilly bows,
They sit alone from day to day untouched by human hands
They come to me as gifts of love from family and from friends,
Then she walks in with long blonde hair determination sure,
She dosn't stop till she has her hands on each and every bear,
Their in the chair, their upside down from ceiling to the floor
The look of horror on their face till she walks out the door
In my den are teddy bears all lined up in a row
there's red and brown and biege and gold with girly frilly bows


If I Had A Dollar

If I had a dollar for each time I've felt his grace
I'd put it in my pocket then I'd give a lot away,
I'd find a needy person and I'd buy them some new clothes,
I'd find someone with torn up socks and buy them some new hose.
I'd buy some food for someone who has nothing left to eat
then, I'd buy a home for someone who is living on the street.
And if I'm left with nothing when the evening time is come,
I'd smile and feel his grace again though money I have none.


I Met A Friend Today

On the street today I saw a friend I never knew before
A tattered shirt and ragged pants set him apart once more,
The people there they pass him by as though he don't exist
But underneath that shaggy coat I knew I'd met a friend
He grinned at me, he tipped his hat, I offered him some lunch,
 A grin as big as Cheshire cat as he said thanks a bunch,
I watched him saunter down the street and he vanished out of sight,
Underneath my breath I said a prayer that he'll be safe tonight.


This to Shall Pass

When tear drops fall and will not cease,
Then days seem long and nights won't leave,
When sadness overwhelms the heart 
and grief lingers in the dark,
Look up above to skies of blue
The raindrops fall God cries for you. 
Another day will bring the sun,
Through fields of flowers you will run,
And looking back on days of pain
You will look around and welcome rain.


Our Differences

   I guess with cigarettes it is either that you love them or hate them. I don't believe there is a middle of the road. If you are addicted to them they are closer than a friend. right in you front pocket or at least close within reach. You eat , you reach for them. You drink, again your hand fumbles instinctively for them. You experience any stress and you feel the instant need to smoke. I know all of these things because I live with and love someone who has smoked for 45 years.
          I have never smoked but I can remember when I was a lot younger I found or somehow obtained a cigarette. I snuck out back and pretended to smoke. Funny how of all the things in life some things of insignifence stand out as if it happened yesterday. Anyway, there I was standing behind our house leaning up against the cool cinder blocks pretending to smoke. I was feeling so grown up and powerful. Why I only smoked that once I don't know because I still remember that feeling. It felt really good, or maybe it was just the adrenalin from my little secret.
        My husband Benny smoked when I met him but I sure didn't know then what I know now or I probley wouldn't have married him. Now I love him with all my heart but we have been through some hard times partly because of him smoking. When my children were small he smoked in the house. I didn't know any better. Thank goodness none of them had asthma or breathing problems.
       Because of him being a smoker my life has been changed. I have endured riding in the pouring down rain with the window down cause he had to smoke. I have seen him buy cigarettes when we needed milk. I have smelled smoke and smelled like smoke. I have seen him angry and almost frantic when he was out.
       Today after 28 years of marriage and many heart attacks, severe lung disease,along with constant shortness of breath he still craves cigarettes. He quit about 2 years ago but the desire still remains. He will never be over them, his love for them and his addiction to them. He is in a hospital bed now struggling for breath with each coughing spell. Now he has ekg changes which is probley the beginning of another heart attack. If he were offered a cigarette right now mabye he would take it even though I hope he wouldn't.
       Now that I have said all of that, here is the rest of the story. I am greived and my heart aches for what I have lost and what I am surely going to lose. I realize that I have certainly been blessed. I have been married to him for over half of my life. I have lived with him longer than I lived with my Mom and Dad. He is my everything. He is my best friend and the love of my life and now I stand at a crossroads. What will happen of course I can't say for sure but I have a pretty good idea. I dread the thought of having to live alone. Even as he has been in the hospital I sit at home sometimes just me and the dog and I don't like it. Benny became disabled in 1993 and since then day in and day out we are together. Now that our comfort is threatened I am afraid, Afraid of being alone and  taking care of myself. I have depended on him for too many things. He washes my clothes and keeps my house clean. He holds me when I am lonely and comforts me when I am sad except for now because he dosn't realize my fears. I can't tell him that. I think of all I will lose. The gentleness of his embrase. The reckless abandon of his laughter. The warmth of his skin. The scent of him. 
His crazy thoughts which are so different than mine. He is thin while I am fat. He is friendly while I am reserved. He is strong when I am weak. He makes me laugh. Despite our differences He is everything to me.
      I hate Cigarettes.


I'm Just No Good Without Him

I'm Just No Good Without Him
My husband who from this point on I will refer to as My Benny is in
the hospital. I am Home Alone and I don't like it. Not only am I sad but I hear
things that go bump in the night. My dog Oliver is even sad. For instance today
I came home from the hospital and he is just howling to beat the band. I sat down on the sofa and even though I tried to console him he just wasn't right. Another reason that I know I'm just no good without him is that I went into the kitchen to make me a balogna sandwich and I glanced at the dog dish and realilzed he was totally out of food. No wonder Oliver cries when he is left alone with only me. I miss My Benny and want him to come home. I'm Just No Good Without Him.


A Dog's Love

I look at you with trusting eyes, Your scent I won't forget.  I lavish
you with kisses on your face that is now wet. My heart is tied to your heart,
I will love you till I die. A dog's love goes beyond the grave
and never says goodbye.


Top of The Mornin

Top of The Mornin
Today is a wonderful day because I am still breathing, and breathing easily I might add.
I do not need supplemental oxygen. I can walk without a cane and I don't have to be confined to a
wheelchair. I am somewhat in my right mind. I can and do make my own decisions. I am able to support
myself. I have a great job as far as jobs  go. I am a nurse and have been part of saving the lives of others.Better than that I have an awesome home life. I am a painter of
pretty things. Some are good and some not so good. I have the pleasure of loving and being loved by my
husband, my children and my grandchildren. When I do have a bad day I have comfort in knowing that there will be a tomorrow. And if not, that will be okay too because I will hopefully be going to an even better place. So in light of all this Top of The Mornin to ya! Have a blessed day.