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Have you ever thought about death?  What does it bring? Death is so final, so distinct,
some people are afraid of it while others just wait for its foggy embrace. I have witnessed a
lot of people as they slip away to that other place. Some welcome it , some fight it. some families cry and are
torn apart, while others cling to each other and pass on the strength. I think for the most part older people have a hold on it. They don't seem so afraid, sometimes they wait for it like an old friend. They seem content almost anxious at times about dying but not about death itself, anxious to meet those who have gone on before. I have seen it time and time again as they grasp at the air for someones hand which I can not see. As they call out to mom or a husband or even children who have go on before. Bittersweet.
I remember as my dad lay dying he would reach toward the ceiling and say come on Jesus. He did not know us but that didn't matter for he was already headed for his destination. Memories are sweeter and the pain of his dying has become fainter even though the memories of him now bring a smile instead of tears. I feel it now as the moist tears fill my eyes once again but more now form sweet thoughts than bitter pain. Sometimes death is not so scary and yes sometimes we are ready.



As you know I am a nurse. I love my profession and it really does take
a special person to make it in this field. We go to school and study hard to
obtain our degree. We feel compassion and hopeless sometimes and both cry and
laugh on any given day with our patients. We take care of people from all aspects of life and we are affected
by both their sorrows and joys. The thing that bothers me is that people have who have
access to the wonderful world wide web think that they can google a symptom and immediately they
have the knowledge to make decisions and tell the Dr what test to order , what meds to give
and pretty much write their own treatment. Google supplies all the info in seconds which it takes us
years to study. We take pharmacology and microbiology, speech to learn to talk to people and
algebra so we don't make medication errors. We spend years of our life to learn to care for the needs
of others and we do stand by the oath also to do no harm. We are many times treated less than human.
Many people are mean and will report you at the drop of a hat. We really are treated like slaves.
I know this is not popular and many may not understand but I speak the truth. Nursing is hard, stressful
and many times nurses are abused. Throw working a shift when there is a full moon and that adds fuel to
the fire. People really are Crazy on a full moon. Now if you are reading this and have an encounter with a
nurse please go out of your way to be nice. If she is not in your room when the call light goes off please
realize that she may just be helping someones granny up out of the floor or cleaning someone who has
had an accident in the bed. She may be trying to talk someones grandpa into taking his necessary pills which
he is reluctant to take. She may be listening to someone who will not quit talking and let her leave. All of this while she may have 7 or 8 other patients who need and demand her at the same time. What I am saying
is that if she is not there when you need her remember that she is human too and can only be in one place
at a time. She may not be the lazy uncaring person you perceive her to be. She may be struggling to do a
good job and just overwhelmed by the task at hand. So please be gentle. Write her name in to recommend her and those cards and cookies really do make a difference. Maybe even send something in nice to acknowledge the nurse who was not your favorite. I work in ICU and have 2 patients at a time and my life is
pretty good but I see floor nurses mistreated and disrespected each day. Take a minute and say a nice word one of which is thanks.


My Mama Calls Me Sweetie

My Mama Calls Me Sweetie
I am one of many people across America who call their mom daily.
I have purposed in my heart not to let a day go by without hearing her beautiful voice.
Her hair grows whiter and her speech is soft and quiet.
Her laughter is like that of an angel. Her mind is sharp and that twinkle in her eye still flickers.
I call her, the phone rings and I hear that hesitation as she fumbles with the phone and then
Hello Sweetie, we talk and laugh and she says again bye Sweetie and I smile.
My mom is 86 she is as sweet as pie and spry as a whip. I love her beyond words.


For All of My Tomorrows

                   Yesterday I went to work sick and as the night progressed I got worse and worse.
I felt horrible. My cough was unquenchable, my fever was the kind that makes you
feel bad all over, and my nose ran like a fountain.
Of course no one would come in to relieve me so I had to stick it out.
I went straight to bed and finally fell into a restless sleep.
I thought to myself and what possible good could come of this?
As I pondered I was thankful to be alive. My nose being stuffy made me
remember to give thanks for the breath. My sickness made me to think about
my patients with cancer who will not get better and to their sickness there will be
no end. It made me think of those with respiratory disease who will not breath better
tomorrow.  As I rest in bed it made me to think of those who are in bed for life.
Those who won't be able to get up and go back to work in a few days.
It makes me to remember that even if I whine a little now tomorrow will
be better. I thank God for all my tomorrows.


In the Storm We Are Made Strong

Today! Yet another day to breath his name, another day to serve him.
I stand in awe at all the beautiful things he has done for me. Things which I don't deserve.
 A couple of years ago I tore my rotator cuff. I have never known such pain in my body and
in my soul. I hurt both day and night without relief. I was on a lot of pain medication and
took sleeping pills for a couple of months. I had to sit up to sleep.
I became angry with God. I prayed and no relief came.
I ask God to take the pain away yet day after day I hurt. I didn't care if I died.
I wanted to climb out of this darkness but wasn't able. I went to church and ask for
prayer but nothing seemed to help. I felt like I was deserted and no one cared.
Months went by and I began to crawl out of the darkness and little by little
day by day things got better. Today I look back and can say thank God for
the storm. I did not realize how venerable I was. I thought I was safe and secure
in my faith and my love for God and then at a moments trouble I gave up.
It taught me to stay closer to the throne. To pray more and never, never give up.
Through the storm we are safe in his arms. He never leaves us when we are down.
The only footsteps walking away are our own.
In the storm we are made strong.


The Barn Out Back

The Barn Out Back
I painted this today and wondered what kind of things hide in a barn.
When I think of barns I think of the thick sweet smell of hay. Then if you listen closely
the scurry of mice. Spiders may lurk there but not the nice kind like in Charlotte's Web.
It brings to thought my life. My soul to be more precise. What things have I allowed to be hidden there?
In the past few years I have allowed things like cobwebs to form in the corners. Many are hidden
in the crevices out of view from the people who know me. I haven't prayed enough. I have let
the burden of prayer for my family fall on someone else. I have put off fasting as I should.
I am Pentecostal by faith and I do believe in baptism in water in Jesus name
 and the infilling of the Holy Ghost . I was awakened to tears this morning as I had dreamed of my dad.
He died last year and in the dream there was an a man who I thought was an angel and he ask me
if I had witnessed to my dad. I awoke and thought I will call and talk to him now then I startled when
I realized he is gone. I will never have that opportunity again. Did I miss my chance? I can't remember.
I hope that from this point on I will not miss any opportunities. I want to pray more, to intercede for
those who are lost and to help those in need. I want God to clean my barn. I want him to make in me a new
creature. I want to be pleasing to my savior. I want to go to heaven but I want to take someone with me.