When You Feel Like a Nobody

When You Feel Like a Nobody

Today I got up and of course grabbed a cup of coffee and went to sit in my 

white sturdy rocking chair on my front porch. As I set there I contemplated about my life

and my blessings. For my Bible reading I turned to 2 Kings 5:2

It tells about a little maid who was taken captive out of the land of Israel against her will.

This peaked my interest. She was captive which tells me against her will and tells me

she did not ask or choose to be there. I am sure that she would have rather been at home and not in a strange land with the duties of a servant.  I don't know her name she was just a maid. A person

serving someone else. This little maid heard about a man called Naaman a mighty man of valour who 

had an incurable disease Leprosy. She said...Oh if  Naaman would just go to the prophet he could recover him of his leprosy. Naaman's wife told someone the words of the little servant girl. Naaman was sent to the King of Israel who tore his clothes saying I can not cure this man but the prophet instructed him of what he should do to be made whole.

In reflection....sometimes we think life is hard and that nobody cares about us or even knows

that we are alive. Sometimes life is difficult and we find ourselves in uncomfortable circumstances, In situations that we just want out of. Sometimes we are surrounded by self pity

 and pain and nothing will come out of our lips except crying and sadness. Just remember that just maybe

it is because you are the one who has been placed here for such a time as this. You are the one will give hope to the hopeless and who will stand up in the face of adversity and proclaim faith and encouragement. 

Maybe it is you who will do something which will affect or even change the life of someone you don't even know. Maybe you are the one who will change your world. 

Maybe when you feel like a nobody and no one even knows your name you are mighty in the eyes of God!

She Called Today

She Called Today

          Today as I drove home from work thoughts filled my mind. My daughter Julie is in the Marines on a ship somewhere in the world. It is hard not knowing where and even now my thoughts go to her. She has two small boys. Paul in Kindergarten, Logan in preschool. She is missing events in their life and you may say she chooses this. Well yes and no....Isn't everything a sacrifice. I am proud of her, thankful for her. Like so many other moms out there with children in the military the feeling is bittersweet. We miss family, even when she is home she is stationed far far away. She will be at Miramar in California when she gets back and I am in the lovely state of Alabama so even when she is here we can't have that closeness we would like. Like the pleasure of being able to visit each day, like watching my grandchildren grow up. I follow them with pictures,but for those times we do have together we enjoy every moment. We drink many pots of coffee and tell many tales. We get up early so we can just talk and when it is time to go we cry once again. We miss so much but we still love each other with an undying love. 

      Isn't life funny? She called today from a ship in the middle of some ocean...she called....Me her mom. So now I am happy once again and it will be ok until next time I hear from her.

       

Death

Death

Have you ever thought about death?  What does it bring? Death is so final, so distinct,

some people are afraid of it while others just wait for its foggy embrace. I have witnessed a

lot of people as they slip away to that other place. Some welcome it , some fight it. some families cry and are

torn apart, while others cling to each other and pass on the strength. I think for the most part older people have a hold on it. They don't seem so afraid, sometimes they wait for it like an old friend. They seem content almost anxious at times about dying but not about death itself, anxious to meet those who have gone on before. I have seen it time and time again as they grasp at the air for someones hand which I can not see. As they call out to mom or a husband or even children who have go on before. Bittersweet.

I remember as my dad lay dying he would reach toward the ceiling and say come on Jesus. He did not know us but that didn't matter for he was already headed for his destination. Memories are sweeter and the pain of his dying has become fainter even though the memories of him now bring a smile instead of tears. I feel it now as the moist tears fill my eyes once again but more now form sweet thoughts than bitter pain. Sometimes death is not so scary and yes sometimes we are ready.

Crazy

CRAZY

As you know I am a nurse. I love my profession and it really does take

a special person to make it in this field. We go to school and study hard to

obtain our degree. We feel compassion and hopeless sometimes and both cry and

laugh on any given day with our patients. We take care of people from all aspects of life and we are affected

by both their sorrows and joys. The thing that bothers me is that people have who have

access to the wonderful world wide web think that they can google a symptom and immediately they

have the knowledge to make decisions and tell the Dr what test to order , what meds to give

and pretty much write their own treatment. Google supplies all the info in seconds which it takes us

years to study. We take pharmacology and microbiology, speech to learn to talk to people and

algebra so we don't make medication errors. We spend years of our life to learn to care for the needs

of others and we do stand by the oath also to do no harm. We are many times treated less than human.

Many people are mean and will report you at the drop of a hat. We really are treated like slaves.

I know this is not popular and many may not understand but I speak the truth. Nursing is hard, stressful

and many times nurses are abused. Throw working a shift when there is a full moon and that adds fuel to

the fire. People really are Crazy on a full moon. Now if you are reading this and have an encounter with a

nurse please go out of your way to be nice. If she is not in your room when the call light goes off please

realize that she may just be helping someones granny up out of the floor or cleaning someone who has

had an accident in the bed. She may be trying to talk someones grandpa into taking his necessary pills which

he is reluctant to take. She may be listening to someone who will not quit talking and let her leave. All of this while she may have 7 or 8 other patients who need and demand her at the same time. What I am saying

is that if she is not there when you need her remember that she is human too and can only be in one place

at a time. She may not be the lazy uncaring person you perceive her to be. She may be struggling to do a

good job and just overwhelmed by the task at hand. So please be gentle. Write her name in to recommend her and those cards and cookies really do make a difference. Maybe even send something in nice to acknowledge the nurse who was not your favorite. I work in ICU and have 2 patients at a time and my life is

pretty good but I see floor nurses mistreated and disrespected each day. Take a minute and say a nice word one of which is thanks.

My Mama Calls Me Sweetie

My Mama Calls Me Sweetie

I am one of many people across America who call their mom daily.

I have purposed in my heart not to let a day go by without hearing her beautiful voice.

Her hair grows whiter and her speech is soft and quiet.

Her laughter is like that of an angel. Her mind is sharp and that twinkle in her eye still flickers.

I call her, the phone rings and I hear that hesitation as she fumbles with the phone and then

Hello Sweetie, we talk and laugh and she says again bye Sweetie and I smile.

My mom is 86 she is as sweet as pie and spry as a whip. I love her beyond words.

For All of My Tomorrows

                   Yesterday I went to work sick and as the night progressed I got worse and worse.

I felt horrible. My cough was unquenchable, my fever was the kind that makes you

feel bad all over, and my nose ran like a fountain.

Of course no one would come in to relieve me so I had to stick it out.

I went straight to bed and finally fell into a restless sleep.

I thought to myself and what possible good could come of this?

As I pondered I was thankful to be alive. My nose being stuffy made me

remember to give thanks for the breath. My sickness made me to think about

my patients with cancer who will not get better and to their sickness there will be

no end. It made me think of those with respiratory disease who will not breath better

tomorrow.  As I rest in bed it made me to think of those who are in bed for life.

Those who won't be able to get up and go back to work in a few days.

It makes me to remember that even if I whine a little now tomorrow will

be better. I thank God for all my tomorrows.

The Barn Out Back

The Barn Out Back

I painted this today and wondered what kind of things hide in a barn.

When I think of barns I think of the thick sweet smell of hay. Then if you listen closely

the scurry of mice. Spiders may lurk there but not the nice kind like in Charlotte's Web.

It brings to thought my life. My soul to be more precise. What things have I allowed to be hidden there?

In the past few years I have allowed things like cobwebs to form in the corners. Many are hidden

in the crevices out of view from the people who know me. I haven't prayed enough. I have let

the burden of prayer for my family fall on someone else. I have put off fasting as I should.

I am Pentecostal by faith and I do believe in baptism in water in Jesus name

 and the infilling of the Holy Ghost . I was awakened to tears this morning as I had dreamed of my dad.

He died last year and in the dream there was an a man who I thought was an angel and he ask me

if I had witnessed to my dad. I awoke and thought I will call and talk to him now then I startled when

I realized he is gone. I will never have that opportunity again. Did I miss my chance? I can't remember.

I hope that from this point on I will not miss any opportunities. I want to pray more, to intercede for

those who are lost and to help those in need. I want God to clean my barn. I want him to make in me a new

creature. I want to be pleasing to my savior. I want to go to heaven but I want to take someone with me.

Winter

Winter

Winter makes me think of toasty things like hot chocolate,

warm coffee and campfires,

Winter makes me think about family and friends and birds in the brown

grass begging for food.

It makes me think of how lucky I am to sit in a warm house and the embrace of 

warmth as it encircles me from head to toe as I sit in front of the

fire and hear the inviting crackle of the flames.

Winter makes me think of home.

Winter makes me think of people on the street who stand around a

barrel to warm their freezing hands. It makes me think of gloves

with missing fingers and blankets filled with holes. It make me think of the cold, of bone

chilling dampness and loneliness. It makes me think of the hungry and those with

no one to care. It makes me think of soup kitchens and animals which shiver in the

cold rain. It makes me think of how blessed I am.

Winter is many things to many people.

This winter I feel God and know that I am special.

This winter I am warm.

Grizzly's Demise

This is a funny story yet painfully sad. Parental discretion is advised.

     It was a hot summer day in July. The deep south Robertsdale, Alabama was even hotter. My sister Sandy and I had gone there to visit my oldest sister Jeannie. As it happened Jeannie was sad as someone in her life had just died so she was quite tearful. We were doing all we could to cheer her up and make her smile.
     Jeannie is a gardener of sorts and always has the most beautiful flowers blooming throughout the yard.
She lived in a two story house and had a heavy wooden swing on the porch and this was our favorite place to visit. You could sit out there any time day or night and see something beautiful. Butterflies fluttered by, birds chirped, and chickens clucked. A cup of hot coffee was always welcome in the quiet country setting.
We sat and passed away hours reminiscing about happy times.
      Jeannie went inside and her giant black dog grizzly bounded around the house. Grizzly was one of many animals because Jeannie loved dogs, cats and birds, in fact when we would occasionally grow tired of our animals, not to worry she would gladly take them. Grizzly had belonged to my daughter Julie. Julie moved and could not have a dog so Aunt Jeannie inherited him. Grizzly had a thick coat of long hair and he smelled, well! he smelled like a long haired hot dog.
     We were standing out on the porch looking at the great outdoors when Grizzly bounded down the little dirt road to Jeannie's house and across the street. Jeannie walked out at about that time and I said to her, "You better call Grizzly, He is across the street." In a loud anxious voice she called " Here Grizzly, come on boy, Here Grizzly"  As we watched in horror Grizzly bounded back across the street. SCREECH, THUD,THUMP  and OH NO!  Yep you guessed it Grizzly gave up the ghost.

       We ran to the street with Jeannie getting there first. She picked him up and started carrying the 115 pound dog home. When we reached her we assisted her as she was hysterical with crocodile tears streaming down her face. She was so pitiful. We finally got home  and she informed us that we have to bury him. Jeannie lives on a farm with a pond and she picked out the most perfect spot overlooking the pond for him to be laid to rest. We gathered shovels and a pick ax and was about to dig the grave when we realized something bad. As I lifted the shovel above the earth and tried to sink it into the ground I heard a thud as my arms were jarred from the brute force. I looked at Sandy and in unison we said "SANDSTONE". Jeannie had went back inside to cool off and we just looked at each other for a minute while trying to decide what to do. We dug for seemingly an hour with sweat pouring off our brow in the 100 degree heat. Sandy looked at me as I was about to faint and she said "We can tie something to him and throw him into the pond, Jeannie will never know". Horrified, I went to look for some rocks. As we both doubled over with laughter we started back to digging. Finally 4 hours later we were able to put Grizzly to rest as Sandy's sons quoted the eulogy   "Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, We loved Grizzly and Grizzly loved us.

Something About Cats

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There is something about cats. You either love them or your hate them.
I have never heard anyone say oh yes! I absolutely like cats.
I have always been a cat lover even tho I don't own one
now or rather I am not owned by one because unfortunately
my husband doesn't love them. He is a dog man.
As you know I am a nurse and have close encounters of the 3rd kind.
It was my pleasure these last few days to be privileged to care for a little lady
94 years young. Her hair is white and her beautiful pale complexion
accentuates her bright shining eyes. I leaned close to talk with her because
her hearing was not quite as sharp as her mind.
She had been telling me about the two cats who love her.
She cares for them daily and she loves them back.
Here in the hospital she said how she must hurry home to care for them.
It dosn't matter that she is sick  her cats need her.
Today she was told that she must go to rehab for 21 days.
Suddenly the twinkle left her eyes as they became misty.
What is wrong I ask, rehab will be good for you and you will
return home soon. She looked straight into my eyes and with a
sad quiet voice said "But what about my cats?" Her niece assured

her that her cats would  be taken care of but to her no one could
love them like she loves them. That is the thing about cats, they
hug up next to you and steal your heart and make you dependant
on them. You see, they don't really need you. It is the other way
around. There really is just something about cats.

Pumpkin Latte

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Pumpkin Latte

I am not one who usually enjoys sweet coffee like drinks,
Those specialty creamers now available in most grocery stores
do not bring me joy. My co-workers cherish it. they can't wait for more,
but me I prefer plain old coffee with just a little creamer and a touch
of sweetness added.
                                    However

Every Fall there is a wonderful thing out there called Pumpkin Latte
My heart does grow faint thinking about it and even now my mouth becomes
moist and a smile eases across my lips at the thought.

I must have it. The thoughts won't end. I pass by Starbucks because
I seldom afford myself this luxury. $4 for a drink is just too much yet
as I drive by I find myself turning in. I pull through the drive through
and order. As the coffee artist hands me my purchase I thank her and
turn my attention to the task at hand. As I sip the warm brew I savor the
sweet spicy flavor and feel myself relax. A horn blows in the distance
and wondering why I realize it is not in the distance at all. I forgot to leave.
It is the car behind me wanting anxiously to be next. I am sure that their
drink of choice must be a Pumpkin Latte.

Small Among Millions

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I am only a small person among countless millions,

I live in a comfortable home on a quiet street,

I see the warm glow of the sun filtering through my kitchen window

as I sit and have my first cup of Joe. I contemplate the day ahead, 

I plan out the course of my time, of  the people I will

see of places I will go, of the things I will accomplish.

I listen for the sounds of my husband stirring in the

next room where he is still sleeping.

I savor each moment, each breath, each thought,

realizing just how blessed I am to be here, alive

on this beautiful day, beautiful even if it were raining,

I am chosen by God to be here, at this time in

this place, for this purpose.

Under my breath I say a prayer, a prayer only myself and

God hears. I thank him for the blessings of my life.

I talk to him about life and events that have impacted me,

about things that will change my life forever,

I look out the window and see the dawning of the morning

and with a smile and a gentle sigh, I leave it all in his hands

knowing that whatever comes my way will be according to

a divine plan. I pray that as a potter molds the soft pliable

clay that I will relax and let him mold my life as he makes

me into a beautiful vessel. A vessel used for his purpose.

I am only a small person among millions but I am his person

and I am blessed.

Safety at Sea

As a ship upon the oceans sail its tossed both here and there,

A storm comes up the winds they blow the sea becomes a snare,

Will it stand, or falter fast upon this raging tide,

It's steadied now on quieted seas, The makers hands the guide.

My ship it sails on tides of pain of deep and dark despair,

Yet when I feel like falling low his arms I know are there,

He picks me up, he holds me close, he'll never let me go,

I know the master of the storm, He loves me this I know,

As a ship upon the oceans sail it's tossed both here and there,

I worry not about my life because I'm in his care.

Amazing Grace

Today I went to Sunday school. I saw a smiling face.

We sang how Jesus loves me, of his amazing grace,

The preacher stood before us with a smile upon his face,

He told us of a story where true love was displaced,

The boy left home and spent his all, he squandered all he had ,

He lead a life of trouble then he thought back to his dad,

He looked up from a pig pen with mud upon his face,

He said I'll just go home to dad a servant at his place,

He walked along the dusty road his steps a rapid pace,

He wondered if they'd welcome him, would they reject his face?

His dad glanced down the dusty road, Who is that lad I see?

I can't believe my eyes he said God's brought him back to me.

With hurried steps he ran to him, he welcomed him with glee,

Today we'll have a feast for kings my boy's come back to me.

 Today I went to Sunday school, I saw a smiling face

I've come back to the father, I sing Amazing Grace.

The Last Day

If I knew that today would be my last

What would I do, Who would I ask?

To forgive me for harsh words or deeds,

How could I help fill someones needs?

Would I cry or be depressed,

Or would I strive to do my best?

To win a soul or help the lost

to find their way before the cross.

And as I go would I look back and

see my heart was filled with black,

And on my knees before the throne

I'd ask forgiveness for my wrong.

And as my black heart's cleansed and white,

I know that he may come tonight,

While others here may take my place

I smile and sing Amazing Grace.

Thumbelina

Her name was Thumbelina she was ugly as could be

Not soft and cute like dolls today yet beautiful to me,

I held her tight I told her stuff she was my dearest friend,

When Sandy ripped her arm off I knew she would not mend,

I carried her to mama and placed her in mom's hands

She said bring needle and some thread I'll fix her up again

With tender hands she sewed each stitch with thread that did not match,

All I wanted most of all was Thumbelina back,

As I became a woman and dolls were put away,

All I have is memories of some far yesterday,

And then it was on Christmas a few short years ago,

A box with shiny paper tied with a pretty bow.

I peeped inside It could not be, a treasure from my past

I lifted Thumbelina out Oh what is this I ask

Her limbs intact no mitch matched thread around her arm you see,

My sister searched this whole wide world to find this doll for me.

My grandchild begged to hold her once with hesitation done
She gave her back I looked at her Oh! my where is her thumb.

Terrified Teddies

In my den are teddy bears all lined up in a row,

there's red and brown and beige and gold with girly frilly bows,

They sit alone from day to day untouched by human hands

They come to me as gifts of love from family and from friends,

Then she walks in with long blonde hair determination sure,

She dosn't stop till she has her hands on each and every bear,

Their in the chair, their upside down from ceiling to the floor

The look of horror on their face till she walks out the door

In my den are teddy bears all lined up in a row

there's red and brown and biege and gold with girly frilly bows

If I Had A Dollar

If I had a dollar for each time I've felt his grace

I'd put it in my pocket then I'd give a lot away,

I'd find a needy person and I'd buy them some new clothes,

I'd find someone with torn up socks and buy them some new hose.

I'd buy some food for someone who has nothing left to eat

then, I'd buy a home for someone who is living on the street.

And if I'm left with nothing when the evening time is come,

I'd smile and feel his grace again though money I have none.

I Met A Friend Today

On the street today I saw a friend I never knew before

A tattered shirt and ragged pants set him apart once more,

The people there they pass him by as though he don't exist

But underneath that shaggy coat I knew I'd met a friend

He grinned at me, he tipped his hat, I offered him some lunch,

 A grin as big as Cheshire cat as he said thanks a bunch,

I watched him saunter down the street and he vanished out of sight,

Underneath my breath I said a prayer that he'll be safe tonight.

I'm Just No Good Without Him

I'm Just No Good Without Him

My husband who from this point on I will refer to as My Benny is in

the hospital. I am Home Alone and I don't like it. Not only am I sad but I hear

things that go bump in the night. My dog Oliver is even sad. For instance today

I came home from the hospital and he is just howling to beat the band. I sat down on the sofa and even though I tried to console him he just wasn't right. Another reason that I know I'm just no good without him is that I went into the kitchen to make me a balogna sandwich and I glanced at the dog dish and realilzed he was totally out of food. No wonder Oliver cries when he is left alone with only me. I miss My Benny and want him to come home. I'm Just No Good Without Him.

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